In an article on the Supreme
Court, Associate Justice Ginsburg fondly recalled her closest friend, Justice
Scalia. He always gave her roses on her
birthday and shared her reverence for the law.
She said that Justice Scalia was once asked how they could be such dear
friends with such different views. Justice Scalia answered, "I attack
ideas. I don't attack people. Some very good people have some very bad ideas. If
you can't separate the two, you'd better get another job." Not a bad friendship. Not a bad concept.
Think about your friends. Who are
your friends? Writer Mark Twain said: “I don’t like to commit myself about
heaven and hell—you see I have friends in both places.” There was a sitcom
in the 1990's titled Friends and the theme song was “I'll be there for you.”
The debate continues today about
whether social media actually makes new friends and expands genuine friendships
or whether it is an illusion which creates virtual and superficial friendships. It certainly raises interesting questions. An
article in Hemisphere magazine explored a number of sites that are dedicated to
helping you find online "friends." For instance, on the site
Socialyup.com you can buy 500 friends for $30.00. Sounds like a bargain.
An interesting article discussed
the overall decline of friendship in our society. It stated that fewer people have authentic
friends and described a growing phenomenon about loneliness and mistrust. Do you agree?
The article particularly addressed the issue of friendship as it related
to men. It pointed to studies and
surveys which show that men are less likely to have meaningful relationships
than women do. Men have fewer friends, first
of all, and the friends they do have are not nearly as close. What do you think?
Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “I
didn’t find my friends, the good Lord gave them to me.” Yes, when we think about our friends, old
and new, past and present, we too are moved to say: “I didn’t find them, God
gave them to me.” One of the sad
realities of life is losing our friends to death as we age, as I mentioned last
week about my childhood friend Bill Frost who died recently. I have had many conversations with people
over the years who have talked about the difficulty of seeing their circle of
friends shrink as they age and how they miss them. I have likewise had many conversations about
the challenges of making new friends.
I thank God for my wife Nancy, my
best friend (who else would put up with me) and our two sons who now as adults,
are our friends. That thing about
being parents to your children as they are growing up and then transitioning to
becoming friends when they reach adulthood can get a little complicated. We knew we weren’t our sons Best Friends
Forever when they were teenagers. I am
grateful for the new friends we have made here during our over eleven years at
PBPC and in San Diego .
God made us with the need for
relationships, friendships and community.
The late Dr. Norman Cousins wrote: “The highest expression of
civilization is not its art, but the supreme tenderness that people feel and
show toward one another. If our
civilization is breaking down, it is not because we lack the brainpower to meet
its demands, but because our feelings have been dulled.”
Someone said, “You can always
tell a real friend because when you’ve made a fool of yourself he or she
doesn’t feel you’ve done a permanent job.”
The Bible is filled with inspiring stories about friendships. Biblically speaking, friendships are far
different than acquaintances. One can
have many acquaintances, but few true friendships. Becoming a friend is a choice. Becoming a friend is also a surprise, a gift. Becoming a friend requires dedication and
commitment. Jesus says: “There is no greater love than to lay down
one’s life for one’s friends.” Perhaps
this is the ultimate definition of friendship.
A friend is someone you are willing to die for or who is willing to die
for you. It’s been said that
friendships are like investments; you get what you put into them and they take
time to mature. But the dividends are
worth it.
Today we will examine one story
from the New Testament. What are some lessons from this story? First, friends are loyal, they stick by one
another, you can count on them, even in times of adversity. Fair weather friends are the antithesis of
true friends. Friends don’t abandon you
when you need help. Friends don’t give
up on each other when the journey gets tough.
They are in for the long haul.
In the story from Luke Jesus is
teaching in a house which is bursting with people. People are literally stepping over one
another to hear what Jesus has to say or to be healed. Suddenly some men arrive carrying a
paralyzed man on a bed. We don’t know if
these men were family or friends. But in
a way it doesn’t matter. Their actions
should be consistent. These men didn’t
abandon the paralyzed man, they didn’t give up on him, but instead did
everything they could to get him help.
They believed in their hearts that if they could get him near Jesus, the
man would be healed. The only obstacle
was in making their way through the crowd of people.
Not to be deterred, they climb up
on the roof, tear open a section of the roof, which was made out of tightly
bound twigs mortared together between heavy wooden beams, and start lowering
the man down on his bed in front of Jesus.
Now that’s creative problem solving.
That’s dedication. That’s
ingenuity. No obstacle is too great
when it comes to helping a friend. These
men don't care if they are causing a big commotion. They are resourceful and imaginative and they
are on a mission. They are willing to go
to great lengths for their friend. Author
Robert Louis Stevenson wrote: “A true friend is one who multiplies joys and
divides grief.” They were true friends.
Friends also support each other, encourage
one another and are willing to sacrifice for one another. Clearly these friends of the paralyzed man
fit these criteria. A friend says: “I’m
here for you, and if I can’t help you, then with God’s help I will find someone
who can.” These men all exhibited
this attitude. And I believe they also
either paid the owner of the house for the damage to the roof or repaired it
themselves. They were true friends.
Further, true friends are at
times direct and honest with you. They
are not afraid to say what you don’t want to hear. They speak the truth in love. This is a characteristic of true friendship. These friends would have been direct with the
paralyzed man. They would have told him:
“We are taking you to a house where Jesus is teaching and healing.” The man might have said: “Ah, I don’t feel
like going today.” I could hear them
replying: “It’s no use arguing, we
are going there so get ready. We are doing
it because we love you.” It sounds
like an intervention.
Jesus is also direct. He says to the paralyzed man, “Friend your
sins are forgiven you. I say to you
stand up and take your bed and go to your home.” Jesus was also frank with the Pharisees and
says: “But so that you may know that
the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins I will show you,” and
he performs a miracle. Honesty, truthfulness,
is a significant quality for a friendship.
Imagine going to the doctor's
office for a check-up. The doctor says to you, "You are a superb
physical specimen. You have the body of an Olympian. None of my patients are as healthy as you.” Such words alone should raise a red flag and
cause us to question the doctor’s credibility.
Later that day while climbing the stairs, you suffer severe chest pains. You find out that your arteries were so
clogged, that you were one jelly doughnut away from the grim reaper. You go back to the doctor and say, "Why
didn't you tell me?" The doctor says, "Well, ah, well because
if I tell people the truth, they get offended, they know it’s going to be
expensive and they don’t like me. It’s
terrible for business. I want to be a
friend to my patients.” You'd say: “Doctor, next time, tell me the truth or
I’ll find another doctor.”
The story finally reminds us that
true friends also care about your spiritual life. This man is helpless. He depends upon others. His friends realize that his hope lay in
bringing him to Jesus. They are
committed to this end. When we are in
want or in crisis, we need to go to God.
A good friend reminds us of this.
We were not created by God to
make our journey alone in this life. Friends
contribute immeasurably to the richness of our lives. Think of friends whom God has used to shape
your life and faith. Jesus was
extraordinarily impressed with the faith of these friends of the paralyzed man. “When Jesus saw their faith, he said: Friend, your sins are forgiven you.”
Thank you, God, for the gift of
our friends. I close with these surprising words of Jesus from the Gospel of
John in speaking to his followers, past and present: “I no longer call you
servants, because a servant does not know his master's business, instead, I
have called you friends.” Amen!
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