Is communicating with people easy? Do you ever have communication problems? A mother writes: “My husband and I were
taking turns teaching our 4 year old daughter Sarah how to ride a training-wheel
bike. Every time I went with her, Sarah
would bounce on the seat. I asked why she was doing that and she replied, "Daddy
said." “I told her, honey, you don't
need to bounce." I was curious
about my husband's instructions. A few
minutes later, trying to encourage her, I said Sarah try to balance yourself a
little more. Immediately, she started
bouncing again.”
The challenge of communication is
constant. The late Peter Drucker, called
the Father of American Management, claims that 60% of all management problems
were a result of faulty communication. Without
question good communication is critical?
We know that communication problems are a fact of life. Sometimes the people closest to us, family
members, close friends, are the hardest ones with whom to communicate. Have you
found this to be true? Do we find any
help from Scripture about communication?
We do.
The first biblical principle is
that words have power. In the Old
Testament, the book of Proverbs says: “Reckless words pierce like a sword.” Proverbs also says: “Death and life are in
the power of the tongue.” Now
that’s a sobering thought. In the New
Testament the letter of James says: “The tongue is a small member, yet it
boasts of great exploits. How great a
forest is set ablaze by a small fire. And
the tongue is a fire. With it we bless
the Lord and with it we curse those who are made in the likeness of God.”
We certainly see this in politics. Think of all the things that were said by
President Trump, and Hillary Clinton and the candidates for president over the
past year. Incredible. Our words can engender hurt and pain or
comfort and healing. Words unite and
divide, words build up and tear down, words can coerce or care, and words can
manipulate or collaborate. Words can
spread lies or tell the truth.
A man writes: “When I was
eight years old I broke my arm playing football in the backyard. When I was eleven I broke my leg playing
sandlot baseball. Both of these were
painful experiences, but as I look back on them, I don’t remember what the pain
felt like. However, there are other
scenes from my childhood - like the time at a Little League game when the coach
yelled at me and told me I was an embarrassment to the team, or when my dad
said I was stupid and that I would never amount to anything. The pain of those moments remain fresh, even
after all these years.” Yes, death
and life are in the power of the tongue.
Jesus wants us to be known for
our graciousness. As someone said: “Kind
words cost little, but accomplish much.”
A second biblical principle is
that God calls upon us to tell the truth.
We read in the letter of Ephesians – “Speak the truth in love.” Proverbs 15 says: “Those who walk
blamelessly and do what is right speak the truth from their heart.” How we communicate the truth is equally as
important as the truth we communicate; not out of anger, or spite, or jealousy
or revenge, but in love. God calls us to
communicate to another person out of concern for this person. And the ability to do this requires spiritual
maturity. It requires going to God in
prayer, seeking God’s guidance and wisdom, before we engage in a difficult
conversation.
Yes, there are sensitive and
insensitive ways to tell the truth. Like
one Sunday in the greeting line after worship, a man shakes hands with the
pastor and says: “Reverend, that sermon gave us food for thought, but we
prefer fast food." We are to
speak up for truth when we witness injustice.
We are to speak up for truth when we witness corruption. And this of course requires courage.
Can you think of examples in your
life where you regret saying something to someone? Yes, you can never take it back. Do you recall when someone said something
hurtful to you? Can you recall when you
spoke in a positive and constructive way to someone or someone spoke good words
to you? An author writes: “We create
an environment for either good or evil with our words and we will have to live
in that world we’ve created.”
It is amazing to me that out of 10
commandments, God includes two that warn us about false speech: The third command says: “Do not take the
name of the Lord your God in vain,” that is, don’t dishonor God by
disrespecting and abusing His name and the Ninth command: “Do not bear false
witness against your neighbor.” God
is deeply concerned that people tell the truth in court, because without
truthfulness there can be no justice.
But this command goes beyond the
courts. This command demands respect for
persons. We are commanded to respect
other people and treat them fairly and we do so by speaking the truth. A person’s reputation is a priceless
possession. To destroy a person’s good
name is in a sense to destroy the person.
So this command also speaks to the destructive power of gossip, and
slander, and defamation. Propaganda and
lies have led to wars and riots and genocide such as we saw in Nazi Germany. And we see the terrible cost of false speech
on race relations today.
I believe it’s a worthy goal to
think before you speak, and to try to say the right thing at the right time or
to keep from saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, although admittedly this
is a work in progress. Proverbs says: “He
who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity.” And James says: “If anyone considers
himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives
himself and his religion is worthless.”
A third biblical principle is
keep your word. Jesus says be reliable. Be dependable. Honor your word. Jesus was deeply concerned about how
insincere communication was having a negative effect upon relationships. Matthew tells a story about a father who had
two sons. The father went to one and
said, “Son, go and work in my vineyard today.”
The son said, “No, I'm not going, but later he changed his mind and went.” The father went to the second son and made
the same request and the son answered: “Yes Sir, I will father, but he didn't
go.” Jesus asks the crowd, which of the
two did the will of the father? The
crowd replies: “The first.”
This is a parable that all of us,
including children immediately understand.
I remember my father telling me to mow the lawn or take out the trash or
do the dishes and I readily said: “OK, just a minute,” but then got distracted
and never got around to it. After he badgered
me, I finally did the chores, but without his badgering, it never would have
happened.
Jesus is speaking about how
paramount integrity is in our relationships.
What we say should match what we do.
Is that ever an issue for you? Jesus
expects consistency between what we say and what we do. What we say should match our actions and
what we do should match our words. Jesus
wants us to be Christ-like examples to others, and to honor our word, our
promises, our commitment, to follow through on what we say to someone. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Let your yes be yes and your no be no.
We pay a big price when we don’t
follow through. We lose the respect, trust
and confidence of others. We are seen as
persons whom you can’t count on or depend on.
People say: “She or he is a flake, you can't count on them.” Conversely, when you keep your word, you gain
the respect and trust and confidence of others, who feel you can be counted on
in the best of times as well as in the worst of times.
A final biblical principle is to
listen. Someone said: “When it comes
to communication, there are two kinds of people in the world - those who love
to hear others talk and those who love to hear themselves talk.” You can tell if someone is really listening
to you, can’t you? Of course it goes
without saying that all of you are listening to the pastor this morning. Communication is more than talking. Listening is an integral and essential
element of communication. When we
listen, we are showing respect, we are showing we value the thoughts, feelings
and ideas of the other person.
The letter of James says: “Dear
friends, be quick to listen, slow to speak.” Ecclesiastes says: “For everything there
is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven, a time to speak and a
time to keep silent.”
Communication is so important. May
we strive to follow Jesus in our communication with others. Amen!
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